Yes, I'm talking About Breasts Again

It's not the results I was afraid of, it was what I had to do to get them. 

In this episode, I'm sharing my experience getting my very first mammogram. From the anxiety before the appointment to the infamous "squish," the oversized waffle-maker machine, and the moment I realized I'd been avoiding it for reasons I hadn't fully understood.

If you've been putting yours off or you're wondering what to expect, I hope this honest conversation helps make it feel a little less intimidating.

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Transcript

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Welcome to Middle-aged Woman, the podcast for anyone who's ever thought, I really should have life figured out by now, only to realize you don't. This is a place where we question the rules, rediscover who we are, and stay curious. Grab a drink, settle in, and let's get into it. In today's episode, I'm talking about that dreaded M-word. But before I get started, I do want to remind you that I am not a doctor, I am not your doctor, nor am I your big sister. All ideas explored and opinions expressed are my own and are not meant as a guide for your own personal experiences. So, that M-word, it's mammogram. I hadn't planned on talking about breasts two episodes in a row, but here we are. I received my very first notification from Ontario Health probably late last year, so mid-2025 I would say. I remember opening that dreaded brown colored envelope that had very little giving away its contents and read the letter inside. I had reached a certain age, and that meant it was time to get my very first mammogram. I read it, read it again, and then probably threw it out. I wasn't going to follow through. I didn't have a real reason why. I just made a decision in the moment, and that was that. And I brought up the letter I had received. She immediately shook her head and said, Nope, never going to get me to do one of those. And during that conversation, I realized why I had so quickly made up my mind. It was the infamous painful squish I had indirectly heard women talk about. We laughed it off and then just as quickly changed the subject. But that conversation made me think twice about getting it done. Not because I'm a masochist and wanted to put myself through something like that, but because I remember going through my mom's recipe books after she passed and finding pink requisition after pink requisition tucked in neatly between recipe pages, knowing that my dad would never find them in there. I don't recall if all or even any of them were from for a mammogram, but I remember thinking how against going to a doctor my mom was. Inadvertently, I was also taking on that trait. And I didn't want to be. As I was still on the fence about it, I remember talking with another friend of mine within the same age group, and she also immediately said nope. Okay, so now we have two definite nopes and a maybe. I was the maybe. I had to be the one to do it. I had to be the one to step forward and volunteer myself as trivia. I had to carry the flag for the others. Yes, the dramatics are important. If I could go through it and come out the other side, partly squished, maybe then I could share my experience and encourage others to do the same. I booked my appointment before going to Portugal, and as much as I thought I'd stress about it during the trip, I really didn't. Which, you know, I am glad about. If you've listened to the previous episode, I already had a full plate of emotions and I didn't need anything else piled on. Fast forward to the day up. I get ready for my 3:30 appointment, almost forgetting the no deodorant rule. The clinic was closed, so it took me longer to find parking than it did to actually drive there. And if you're wondering why I didn't just walk, let me remind you of the no-deodorant rule. Finally I get in and I'm led into a waiting room where I remove all of my clothing, waste up, and put on a hospital gown. I only had to wait a couple of minutes, but this is where my mind started to wander to the what ifs. What if they find something? What if I should have done this sooner? You know, all the things. Next, I'm led into a darkish room with a giant machine that reminded me of a wafflemaker. Don't laugh. It's the first thing that came to my mind. But as a quick aside, can I just say how amazing science is? Imagine even 20 years ago what this oversized wafflemaker machine looking thing actually looked like. Or who knows if it even existed in its present form. Anyways, back to the room. The nurse was very kind as I told her this was my very first mammogram. And to be honest, I was a little nervous. She explained everything in detail and said that if at any point I was uncomfortable, I could ask her to stop. Cool. She asked me to step closer to the machine and placed my left breast on a plastic platform. I'd say it was as if my boot was sitting there, but that sounds too dainty for what I could actually see. It was more of a splat than a sit. She came around and tugged, tucked, and adjusted skin so only the important parts would be squished. Not that any other part of my body would have been jealous. And then the part I really wasn't expecting. She had me hold on to one side of the machine and lean back in a way that resembled draping myself over a chair. I immediately thought of those old-time Renaissance paintings with the large women draped over furniture. I wasn't getting a mammogram. I was posing for a portrait. Then came the hum of the machine and the request to stay absolutely still. I would say from beginning to end, I probably had to hold that position for about 10 seconds or so. And that's longer than a standard image takes because this was my very first mammogram, and they also do a 3D image to ensure they have an accurate base for future for future ones. Something the clinics had just started doing in recent years. You know, I have to say I appreciated that extra detail in care, just so that it would limit me having to come back because they didn't get everything the first time. Next, the other side, and the same steps. Scooch towards the machine, tugging and tucking, renaissance painting pose, and 10-second hold. Horizontal squish, done. Next was the vertical one. I won't say this one was painful, but I will say it was uncomfortable. I guess based on my body type, I have a small upper frame. They really needed to get an accurate reading, so a corner of the machine was quite far into my armpit. Like I am talking jammed in there. This is actually the point I had to stop her for the very first time because it was unbearable. But once I took a break, again, we went through the same steps. Scooch, tug, pose, hold on, both sides. After that, I was good to go. In total, I would say it took about 30 minutes from getting changed out of my clothes to getting changed back into my clothes. And the squish I was so worried about, honestly, I would say it was about a three or a four out of ten on the pain level. Definitely not the flattening and pain that I had kind of talked myself into believing would actually happen. But you know the one thing that I did notice is that my back hurt for about two days afterwards. And I'm assuming that's due to the 10-second pose I had to do to make sure the images were captured correctly. The leaning back, the stretching, the holding, it did more of a number on my back than what my breasts went through during the whole procedure. So after that, I got a call from my doctor about a week later, and everything was just fine. And in two years' time, I will have to go for my second one. But now, at least I know what to expect. And know that I don't have any immediate breast health concerns. My body isn't what it used to be. More things hurt and for longer, but I am learning that it's important to not ignore the icky stuff just because of some discomfort that might come with the testing part of it. I know it's scary, but I hope through my experience you get a better understanding of what to expect if you've never had a mammogram before and have been putting it off. Again, not your doctor, so I can't tell you what to do. Only you know what's best for you. But I really hope that this episode helps you maybe, you know, move off of that on the fence position to looking into a maybe position, you know? Anyways, that's it for today. Thanks for being here. We'll chat soon.